| Rat-tat-tat, rat-tat-tat! .... 'Are you done yet, Little DrumGirl? Good - here's a drippy pickle for you and go back to where you came from, I'm talking here'... Where was I, ah - ... An introvert, ready to get through the initial 'akhem-ing' and 'erm-ing' to finally get on track that takes us further. May produce an impression of a heap of plasticide at first meeting - Sprinters spit in their overpriced coffees and never call again. Long-distance runners will benefit, reports Timbooktoo Times. For now I'm looking for people capable of becoming my friends first, someone you want to share and spend time with, deeper levels of involvement will emerge without consulting either, rushing it into LTR drops its life expetancy like a hot potato off a jumbo herring (look up Russian quisine LOL). Where was I... er.. ah! ('adjusting a napkin on my bulldog's knees: - 'stop making my ears all goowey, you're not even whispering anything' - to the waiter - 'Garcon! Another Carrots in Milk!' ) - Reservation 'una' - a list of co-'s I'm NOT looking 4: co-boozers/co-poppers/co-soap-watchers. Reservation 'zwei': doesn't concern everyone, just those with a measuring tape in their pockets - to measure my wallet, the area my house covers, and importance of my connections. Also, those who, instead of familiarizing me with the artist/writer/etc. that I don't know - develop heart-attack spots on their faces and a lost look in their eyes - forget this profile, a bad dream it was (nods Joda readily). 'Troisième' reservation, to 'mirror' collectors: if at introductory handshake, your opponent's biceps should bulge out and kick the trey out of the waiter's grip - read: you are irreflectable (by me), spare yourself expending all the energy. And last but not least, I do smoke, and until I quit, I won't tolerate the intolerably intolerant :) Looks: hypothalamus 2`1', DNA negative, AND endowed with a coccyx that will send your Grandma skipping! Read stats and PAY attention - take a break from porcelein Adonises, Appollos and other dubious Greekmind angst products - a BEARCUB here. Likenesses per time of day: Mornings: a doomed iguana on crack, I'm major slo-mo and low-energy for the first 24 hours after a sleep that wasn't long enough. FYO: duracell DOESN'T help, been there, inserted that :). Afternoons: a human being, whatever that means in the ABC kindergarten book. Evenings: a critter finally able to utter words and put them into sentences non-work related. Nights: a Chernobyl Faberge Egg, glow in the dark. That's when the tipsy Muses at a party upstairs drop their creative hammers to bruise my head, that's when I'm extra funny, extra inspired, extra anything with fluffy ears that get stuck in my eyelashes in groups of 4. Now, I should have indeed taken my medication today! Interests: Reading. Watching. Tracing my fingers along the curves and wrinkles of my partner's right heel (it's not less fun than stuffing your bellybutton with Crisco)... Listening. Learning PS CS and 3D studio MAX. Making surprise presents for those I care for. Avoiding everything Russians seem to be so good at: eating kebabs, drinking vodka ('going fishing' would be a local euphemism for that here), and moaning about how crap our football team is. Stuffing a pillow into my partner's [choose hole] if he prefers OUR socks (not only his) to be folded up just THIS particular way with the toe part facing invariably West. Surfing for internet shops to buy pillows from, if there's none at hand. Straining my guts not to let it rip in the elevator and wishing to share my success at it with my workmates. Taking antidepressants later because I never do. Checking my verbal diarrheah the moment I realize my Izzard-style rantings are making opponents doubt my sanity. Or theirs. Extending consolations to a friend sharing that his crabs sprey makes him itch more than his crabs. Pointing at particularily tall trees for no reason and to nobody in particular, in silence. Wriggling my fingers real fast in sleep, wanting to take down my dreams, and my momoires are invariably blank - all I remember is my non-existant Antie Janine beating a bowl of porrige with a tennis racket and shaking a piece of living jam off her foot, to prevent a coup from happening in Nigeria, of COURSE. I'm looking for: Love is what`s left after the two get out of bed... If you are over 30, that`s great. If you`ve got tufts of hair not only in your armpits, that`s even better! If you are looking for an international, NON-distance, live-in relationship, GOOD. If you have a habit of waking up your lover at 3 am to share your eurekas on the meaning of life, well...let`s say that`s just one more reason to hug you - 'C`mon, sweet man, let`s get at least a FEW hours of sleep!' in short, everything about you matters but nothing will get in our way if: 1) You love Life and peope are not merely painkillers. Stop for a doubletake here. If that's your way of seeing things, I'll hold my own at last and that'll be the end of us as we know it. 2) You love whatever it is that you do...and if doing nothing (if you can afford it) doesn`t render you inadequate. 3) U R naturally predisposed to TALK, talk it out with your partner when having problems, don`t bottle it up for weeks before enlighting your significant one on what the hell is up. 4) You can squease an 'I Love ya' into your cell even if you`re in the loo, spasmatically contemplaiting your digestion problems. 5) you`re prone to burst out giggling more than 2 times a day 6) if the words style/fashion/trend make you flinch, you dig your nose as others discuss 2006 Abercrombie-&-Fitch collection 7) you don`t dig in your nose at all OTHER times 8) your ideal of a comfy, worthlessly spent evening is with your friend in huge rockers with enormous duvets sipping on coffee and solving world`s problems , occasionally dozing off 9) your idea of fun doesn`t contain 45% of alcohol 10) when you get plastered I`m not blurred enough for you to start making passes if the idea gave you the shivers on a sober head. Be able to keep friendships friendships. Otherwise, be you Mr. Putin`s right hand, Mother Theresa`s gynaecologist, or an illegal stand-up comedian from Zimbabwe, we`re pretty cool. Sex: in short(s): 1) Moring tent is a bludder overflowing. A human physiology experiment gone wrong. A couple of stoned neurons that partied together and forgot where to re-plug the next morning. It's NOT related to sex or a on-coming bout of arranging petunias. If my sex-partner realizes that, he's GOD and got a key to my left nosdril. 2) Long-lasting relationships are not about sobbing for a year or two and finally packing your belongings after you've found out there's a sex schtick your partner won't share. It's about enjoying each other's lives together and understanding your man's needs. So if you long to be with me but, say, rubbing your shoulderblade against the back of a duck while you're at it doesn't fit my image of orgasmic activities, I'll just overlook the local stock getting all twitchy at the sight of you. Go do your thing, keep safe and come back because I'm me for you, and paultry is just a twist in YOUR mind, which I accept. I expect you to accept MY twists too. 3) Every sexual preference is AT LEAST communicable. Stop lying to yourself or me, choose a moment and share. PREFER, don't HIDE. 4) If you're bottoming for me, expect things to LAST. 2 minutes, as well as 4, won't do. Likewise, if your home run is 30 seconds long, all you're getting is your orgasm and my eyebrows assymetrical. 5) If you need a half an hour shower before you allow yourself any intimacy, better call it off, I've already fertilized our cactus. If you prefer to douche - then douche, but there's no muffled yikes and jumping off the bed in mid-process, relax, and enjoy it (to the) FULL(est) :) 6) Tactile is the word. It's also a kind of french sushi that keeps falling in your lap at restaurants. 'Leave my [fill in the blank for the body part of your choice] alone!' will eventually tie my fingers in bundles and from then on it'll only be novels that 'touch' and 'engage'. Your choice. |